I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
