i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
