I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
