Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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