Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
