Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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