I can tuck mytits in my pants
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
