so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
