Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
