Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
