she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
