I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
