I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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