shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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