I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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