my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
