if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
i out mim tonsoeep
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