i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
