Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
