She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
