Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He better not be in your backpack
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
