Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
So much Jack, so little girl.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
