I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
