Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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