i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
