It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
