you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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