So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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