if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
