i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I think I just sharted jello shots
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