Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Let's paint friendship bongs
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
