So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
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