fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
