how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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