is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
