Already got asked if we're dating
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
