And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
