we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I could fuck to npr.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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