she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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