If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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