Got a toothbrush?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
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