I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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