I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
