your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
