she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
