I heard we made out
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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