Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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