I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
