Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
