He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
