My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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