So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
sarcasm needs its own font
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
